Captain Novolin

Created by Raya Systems, played on SNES

Abject Suffering Episode 3 (2/7/2013)

Recommended by Blaine


Kole has Gary put a blindfold on him and lower a pinata. Kole breaks open the pinata and picks up a piece of paper. It says Captain Novolin.

Gary: Fuck.


Gary and Kole introduce the show and explain that Captain Novolin is an educational game from a series of educational games by Raya Systems. Gary is baffled that Captain Novolin would be recommended over Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon. The other games by Raya Systems are discussed briefly. Gary and Kole tell Blaine to go fuck himself. The release of Captain Novolin is described as a game released through doctors and studies on diabetes education in cooperation with Novo Nordisk, makers of Novolin brand Insulin. Kole and Gary find the concept of a commercial for something necessary to live very humorous. The gameplay is described as a crazy superhero side scroller. Kole explains the plot, and much fun is had at Captain Novolin's mayoral walk animation. Gary compares Captain Novolin to Aquaman as a niche superhero. Kole brings up his problems with consistency in the Captain Novolin universe. Gary tells Kole about the classic TV show "Get a Life", in particular an episode about an alien that reminds him of the enemies in Captain Novolin. The enemies are compared to hallucinations from the movie Requiem for a Dream, POG designs, and stickers from bowling alley vending machines. Gary finds it absurd that every person in Captain Novolin's town is diabetic, Kole explains it as an Idiocracy-esque alternate timeline where sugary drinks have replaced water. Gary compares the portrayal of diabetes in the game to his experience with diabetes, he finds the "good food" in Captain Novolin questionable. Kole and Gary like the anthropomorphic food, but are confused by the way you can die if you eat too much and the comical death mechanics.

Gary is annoyed that Captain Novolin dies instead of taking some insulin. Kole conjectures that Captain Novolin's blood is insulin and it his harvested by Novo Nordisk, and his regular injections are either saline or more blood just to fit in. Kole questions the ability of this game to destigmatize diabetes. Kole clears his throat and Gary is amused by the sound. The food and death mechanics are mocked some more. Kole is amused by Captain Novolin having a speedrun. The medical fact section of the game is described. The doctors in the game are described as Carl Winslow and a horrifying white lady. The hosts conjecture on what Captain Novolin would be like with prostetic legs like convicted murderer Oscar Pistorius. Captain Novolin's jump is described as being like a Ninja Turtle. Novolin's weakness to sandwiches or two of anything is discussed. Gary hates the cookie enemies. Kole states that there is no skill less applicable than skill at playing Captain Novolin. Gary and Kole both stopped at level 3.

The cutscene in level 3 is described. Gary explains diabetic neuropathy. The hosts describe Captain Novolin as getting into a boat that controls like he walks, and has its hull integrity linked to Captain Novolin's blood glucose levels. They suppose that he is an Odo-esque figure, and is projecting the boat to fit in. Gary wants to become the official podcast of Raya Systems. Kole finds the game's quizzes humorous, Gary is not amused by Kole's mockery of diabetes. The Wikipedia entry on this game and the study on the usefulness of this game as an educational tool are described and mocked in more detail. Gary compares this game to a kid with a plumber dad showing his friends Super Mario Brothers.

Gary reads the game's script on GameFAQs, and reads the list of other games transcribed by the same person. The hosts realize they were halfway through the game. Kole is annoyed that the game's enemies being called "Blubbermen" incorrectly links type 1 diabetes to obesity. Gary compares Captain Novolin to Hotline Miami. Gary and Kole perform a scene of dialogue from Captain Novolin. They find the bluntness of Captain Novolin explaining diabetes somewhat comical. The final boss of the game is described, followed by the ending. Kole compares the plight of the mayor in Captain Novolin to the king in Kid Kool, then bemoans the lack of good edutainment. Kole talks about playing Plaque Attack in fifth grade. Gary talks of his love for Typing of the Dead, Kole concurs. Gary and Kole summarize their dislike for the game, in particular that it contains misleading diabetes information, and that it's way too hard for a game intended for young children. Blaine is told to go fuck himself.


Gary: Thanks for listening.
Kole: Thank you.

Other bad games referenced

Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon
Packy and Marlon
Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus
Kid Kool
Skate or Die 2
Wally Bear and the No! Gang
James Bond Jr.
Revolution X

Inside Jokes

Pepsi - Gary conjectures that the town in this game uses Pepsi instead of water.
Backpackula - Gary supposes that Captain Novolin injects himself with blood, and could use a Backpackula for this purpose.
Tim Allen - Kole's throat clearing noise is compared to Tim Allen's grunts.
Dark Souls - Gary compares his method of avoiding enemies in Captain Novolin to Dark Souls.
Steven Tyler - A hypothetical kid with diabetes is described as being lured with sandwiches by Steven Tyler during the discussions of the game's quizzes.
GameFAQs - The GameFAQs content of this game, and its author are discussed.
Kole's Childhood - Kole talks about his experience with edutainment in elementary school.

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