Created by Rare, played on NES

Abject Suffering Episode 18 (8/29/2013)

Recommended by Brett Murphy

Randomization

Gary lets Kole know that he's stolen his identity and gained access to his apartment. Gary steals Kole's index cards with all of the games he hasn't played, replaces every game with a bad game, then throws them on the floor. Kole is distraught, and picks one up that says Captain Skyhawk (it used to say Bioshock 2).

Kole: Fuck.

Summary

Kole talks about his unfinished game index cards. The game was published by Milton Bradley, and Gary and Kole joke about a person named Milton Bradley. Kole owned this game as a child. David Wise composed the music for this game, Gary wishes he was David Wise. This game is bad, but not too bad. Gary says at the worst, it is too hard and gimmicky. Kole praises Captain Skyhawk's variety of play. Gary describes the basic gameplay. They compare the game to Zaxxon. Gary talks about the game Zen: Intergalactic Ninja. Captain Skyhawk has good music and graphics, but it controls weird and you die too easily. Kole and Gary discuss what an NES Starfox game would look like, and if it would play like this. This is a game about fighting aliens flying human helicopters. Gary supposes that being aliens is why the helicopters move so weird, and their one alien power is shooting invisible bullets. Kole talks about the space station docking, which he compares to the landing sequences in Top Gun on NES. Neither host are big shooter fans, but they still found some elements of Captain Skyhawk they like. Gary is more into shooters like R-Type, Kole likes 1942 because he wants his shooters to be historical.

Kole compares his tastes to being dad-like, but still has no real interest in planes or trains. Kole talks about a kid in his high school who was really into World War II planes. Gary likes trains, but he isn't really into their stats or anything. Kole talks about realistic flight sims. They talk about the ridiculous flight sim controllers, Gary refers to them as a "Katamari of Steel Battalions". Gary is going ballooning tomorrow, Kole is worried about a stray gust blowing him into Canada or a tree. They bring up the idea that they could end up over international waters, and they hypothesize grisly scenarios about Gary kill/fucking old people. Gary talks about feeding Triscuits to an old man named Carl to baste him from the inside before eating him. Gary is also worried about what would happen if he has to either pilot the balloon or give birth. Somehow, this is the origin story for Captain Skyhawk or Gary being in prison and still having to do the podcast. Kole explains the difference between shank (verb) and shiv (noun). They discuss the difference between the shank and the flank; they are different parts of the leg as they discover. Captain Skyhawk isn't that bad; it's "ambitish".

Next week, they will talk about a much worse game, Mohawk and Headphone Jack, chosen by Michael Henderson for being a Kickstarter backer. Gary supposes that this show is born out of his dislike of Sonic, and both of their dislike for Rare.

Brett Murphy can go miss a bus himself.

Signoff

Kole: Umbasa.

Other bad games referenced

Time Lord
Starfox Adventures
Super Glove Ball
Where's Waldo
Top Gun
Pac Man 2
Mohawk and Headphone Jack

Inside Jokes

Kole's Childhood - Kole had this game as a child, and tells a couple stories from his childhood.
Dark Souls - Kole ends the show with Umbasa, from the Dark Souls predecessor Demon's Souls.