We don't stick our dick in these holes.
Abject Suffering Episode 47 is about Dudes With Attitude, by American Video Entertainment. It aired on July 28, 2014.
Recommended by Sam Bair
Randomization
Kole tells Gary to look at a hovering crystal next to a light source (possibly making a reference to the cover of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon") because of a prophecy from the sages of the sunken kingdom of Bloodstool. They talk about having a constant stream of bloodstool from your trouserback, like the game Klax (which they incorrectly identify as Qix). Kole turns on the device, and they see the titular Dudes with Attitude, Gary is confused by their similarity to Faceball 2000, and the similarities of the names "Dudes with Attitude" and "Bad Dudes".
Gary: We'll see what the fuck.
Summary
Kole foreshadows that there's a story to the creation of this game. Neither host had previously heard of Dudes with Attitude. Gary talks about AVE's Wikipedia page and their logo. The logo's quality is mocked at length, ending with Gary describing Kole having a nightmare about dipping a rocket pop into gourmet mustard. Gary's emulation woes about some map glitches are brought up. The hosts briefly describe the playable characters and the level select map. Kole compares the game to the Godzilla game from an earlier episode. The gameplay of Dudes with Attitudes is discussed. The "robo-duck-fuck" sound effect is mentioned by Gary, leading to a riff about "fuckfeed.tv", a hypothetical situation where Gary and Kole podcast about pornography and feeders/gainers. Gary establishes that he does not feed or gain for sexual purposes. The cover and back cover of the game are discussed, as is the game's level creation feature. The hosts talk about how much this feels like a shitty Amiga game, "like something your friend's dad would pirate for you".
American Video Entertainment's other games are discussed, in particular Wally Bear and the No! Gang. Gary talks about 1-800-HI-WALLY, and bemoans not being able to call it before it disappeared. Kole and Gary discuss the failures of modern drug education. Kole brings up the fact that American culture is against drugs and sex, but for gang violence and skateboarding. Both hosts agree that gang culture is reinforced by the prison system and used to keep minorities down. Gary tells a story of his stepsister being in a gang called "the Army". Kole brings up the lazy character designs in Dudes with Attitude.
Kole mentions that the title screen leads with the names of the game's creators: Michael and Cam Crick. Kole tells Gary about crick.com, "the destination on the web in 2014". The hosts go on to talk about gamemaster.html, which is a questionably-written newspaper article about Michael Crick. Gary learns about the family of Cricks. Crick.com is a web page about the entire Crick family, which both hosts find very amusing. They learn about Barbara Crick's Cricklers, and enjoy the animated owl on the Crickler page. Gary compares a poorly-worded sentence on the page to an episode of the Andy Daly show "Review". They read about the story "Beds", by Dad. Gary expresses reluctance to read a family's personal web page, Kole pushes him forward. They learn about various Cricks, and criticize some of the short fiction on crick.com. Kole considers e-mailing a Crick. Kole compares the Cricks to American Movie. Kole and Gary learn of Betsy's death, and that Dudes with Attitude was created by a father/daughter team. Gary reads about Wordzap and the shareware distribution web site Tucows is discussed. Gary praises Kole's Google abilities. Kole continues to read Michael Crick's biography, and Gary supposes that he lives on a compound with his sister-wives.
Gary considers visiting the Crick farm with Kole and an Abject Suffering fan, where they will tend the radishes, follow the one rule "we don't stick our dick in these holes", and possibly get turned into Dudes with Attitude. Gary expresses interest in marrying one of Michael Crick's daughters and joining their religion and becoming their Jesus or Pontius Pilate; Kole wants to be their Judas Iscariot. Sam Bair is praised, and they wonder how he came across this game *[from reading bad game sites, no funny story here -Sam]. Gary addresses Crick, if he's listening, and expresses a desire to be adopted by Crick. Kole and Gary are pleased to have played this game and learn about Michael Crick.
Signoff
Gary: We'll be back after crying, in a week.
Other bad games referenced
Faceball 2000
Godzilla
Iggy's Reckin' Balls
Pac-Man 2
Wally Bear and the No! Gang
Sunday Funday
Diddy Kong Racing
Frog Master
Inside Jokes
Michael Crick - This episode is the first time he's mentioned on a Duckfeed show. The game was created by Michael Crick, and the second half of the episode is entirely about him and his family's web site. Crick's farm/compound is established in the fiction, as well as his desire to surgically turn people into Dudes with Attitude.
Frank Booth - Gary describes the AVE logo as "like a rocket pop, dipped in gourmet mustard, and shot straight into your heart".
Dan Davis, captain of the football team - Kole mentions this character while talking about the D.A.R.E. program.
Gary's childhood - Gary tells a story about events from his childhood.
Gary wants to be adopted - Gary expresses a desire to be adopted by Michael Crick.