Friday The 13th (Abject Suffering)

Created by Atlus, played on NES

Abject Suffering Episode 22 (10/28/2013)

Recommended by Eric Hyde


Gary shows Kole a spooky Frankenstein jar he won at a company Halloween party. When he opens the jar, it sings "Who Can it be Now" by Men at Work. Gary challenges Kole to guess how many jelly beans are in the jar. There are thirteen jelly beans in the jar. The final bean has tiny writing that says "Friday".

Kole: Fuck!


Gary talks about their bad t-shirt company, trying to think of a joke that combines the word "rhetoric" with a pop culture character; they come up with "Rhetoric Tatum". They describe things that happened on the Simpsons for several minutes. Kole points out that they did this episode instead of Mission: Impossible because it's Halloween. This game was made surprisingly by Atlus, and Gary compares it to Jaws for NES. This is a bad game, like most LJN games, but it has some cool ideas. Friday the 13th is a game where Jason is stalking the playable camp counselors and children at Camp Crystal Lake. It has the problem of gameplay rewards feeling random. Gary played it as a kid, and got a little further than he did this time. The game is beatable in 3 minutes if you know how to get through it. Gary and Kole actually talk about the game for a while. They describe the game as "Friday the 13th 1.5", and Gary tries to make a joke about Resident Evil 1.5 unsuccessfully. All of the characters in the game are smiling way too much for people being stalked and possibly murdered. Friday the 13th is constructed from a series of navigation problems. Gary and Kole do their usual Monday morning quarterback routine; their conclusion is that this game should just be Clock Tower.

They begin discussing Jason, and Gary tries to remember which Friday the 13th movies his inappropriate girlfriend made him watch. Gary has pretty good Jason knowledge for not being a fan of the series; Kole points out that Jason punishes people for having sex. Unlike Gary, Kole had an inappropriate girlfriend who was crazy about the Halloween movies. They talk about how great the original Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street movies are, and their diminishing returns from sequels. They talk about the morality in horror movies in general. They discuss Uber Jason. Gary uses the phrase "Guy in Mask with Knife", and they come up with a movie idea using that title, Kole is rightfully tired of retro "grindhouse" movies. They make fun of Buzzfeed and idiots who read it. Gary supposes what would happen if they were drowned like Jason- they would haunt their Facebook page.

They look at GameFAQs reviews, this game has a lot of joke reviews because the Angry Video Game Nerd covered this game, but most reviews come to the same conclusions as Abject Suffering. Gary reads a particularly funny GameFAQs review by someone who clearly writes English as a second language. They talk about Night Trap, remembering some elements of the game, but confusing it with Double Switch starring Corey Haim.

Ultimately, Gary and Kole come to the consensus that this isn't a redemption, but it's not unplayable, and has cool ideas. Gary's three favorite games this year are The Stanley Parable, Gone Home, and Home Improvement for the SNES. Eric Hyde can continue to fuck himself. Gary needs this show to be printed on a gold record sent into space before he kills everyone on Earth. Kole talks about his new Hex Crank blog. Gary talks about Pepsi, and how if you mix it with Coke, it makes an alcoholic drink called "Boot Juice".


Kole: [in reference to Mission Impossible 64] No, I don't like it.
Gary: Indeed.

Other bad games referenced

Milon's Secret Castle
Custer's Revenge
Night Trap
Double Switch
Home Improvement

Inside Jokes

Terrible Shirts for You Assholes

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