Home Alone

Created by THQ, played on SNES

Abject Suffering Episode 21 (10/14/2013)

Recommended by Tim Schumacher


Gary explains his purchase of a bag of celebrity-shaped chips. Kole pulls one out of the bag without looking at it. Gary shows Kole various Celebrichips. Kole opens his hands and it's a chip shaped like Daniel Stern, making it Home Alone. Gary is baffled by Daniel Stern, then they talk about the Wonder Years.

Kole: Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk.


Kole reads Daniel Stern's imdb page, they learn about his various roles. They finally talk about the game. Gary calls Tim Schumacher a "lanky piece of shit". Kole liked this game as a young person. The game is slightly worse than Home Improvement. Kole is baffled by this game's place in the Home Alone canon. The enemies are described as "pizza box Italians". Home Alone is described as a home invasion torture porn movie. Various scenes from Home Alone are discussed. Home Alone on SNES is compared to the various Home Alone games on other consoles.

Daniel Stern is too tall to jump over.

Gary and Kole talk about the Wonder Years more, and DVD releases without licensed music. Kole knew a kid who looked like Daniel Stern, Gary informs him that it actually was Daniel Stern. The actual gameplay and level design is finally described, 10 minutes into the episode. Kevin's design in the game, and the general appearance of the Caulkins is discussed. Gary thinks this game is probably okay, but no Home Improvement. They try to think up a better game based on Home Alone. Gary and Kole are baffled by the subplot in Home Alone about the old man. The Talkboy is discussed. Gary brings up his various frustrations with the game. At the end of the game, you fight a giant spider for some reason. Kole describes the different enemies in the game. The game is compared to Goonies II, and Gary likes the verisimilitude of only having one Daniel Stern and one Joe Pesci in the game. Gary and Kole mimic the voice samples from Home Alone on SNES.

The problems with the plot of Home Alone are discussed. Home Alone is compared to Pet Semetary, and the works of Stephen King in general regarding bad parents. They bemoan the repetitive Christmas music in the game, although they talk about Carol of the Bells, which they like and compare to Dark Souls music. This is one of the only John Hughes game. Kole and Gary discuss ways other John Hughes movies could be games. They talk about the Vacation movies. Kole talks about Drillbit Taylor, the last John Hughes movie and the one that drove Owen Wilson to attempt suicide.

Gary supposes that the ghosts in Home Alone on SNES are from the Underground Railroad. Gary talks about the drug deals happening on the GameFAQs message board for this game, and the ridiculous FAQ. Kole talks about the European PS2 Home Alone game, and they talk about the possibility of a European Home Alone fandom. Daniel Stern in Home Alone is clearly a veteran of some war, and he's buried in an eight foot grave. They talk about various forms of burial.

Tim can still go fuck himself to some extent.

After the signoff, Gary and Kole do impressions of Macauley Caulkin.


Kole: Umbasa
Kole: AAAAAAAAAAH! I'm naked and there's a spider!

Other bad games referenced

Home Improvement
Time Lord
Spy Vs Spy
Mission Impossible

Inside Jokes

Kole's Childhood - Kole played this game as a child.
Dark Souls - The Carol of the Bells is compared to the music from Dark Souls. The game receives an umbasa.
GameFAQs - They read the GameFAQs message board as well as a FAQ.

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