Home Improvement

Created by Absolute Entertainment, played on SNES

Abject Suffering Episode 7 (4/11/2013)

Recommended by James Robinson


Kole has invited Gary into his backyard and introduces him to his grill. Gary points out that it sounded like Kole said girl. Kole cooks a steak with a game on it, then cooks it and shoots a nailgun on it. It shoots Home Improvement.

Kole: This is getting incredibly baroque.
Gary: Fuuuuuck.


During the usual explanation of Abject Suffering, it devolves into Tim Allen noises. They explain that there is only an SNES version of Home Improvement, although a Genesis version was rumored. Kole and Gary go on a tangent about hypothetical children who would care, leading into impersonations of Richard Karn. Kole talks about finding guitar tabs for the Home Improvement theme song, and how it has a tab for Tim Allen's vocals. Both hosts regularly watched Home Improvement as children, Kole tells a story about his grandparents. They do not know why they watched Home Improvement, beyond that it was on and in proximity to the Simpsons. Home Improvement will not disappear your couch. Kole used to come home to watch King of Queens, Yes Dear, and Everybody Loves Raymond. Gary points out that Yes Dear is the worst show they've mentioned in this episode. The hosts explain the premise of Home Improvement, a show about a power hungry madman who hosts a show with Richard Karn. They discuss Wilson. Kole describes an episode where Tim Taylor (Allen's character on Home Improvement) breaks the arms of several young girls. Gary brings up how Jonathan Taylor Thomas was very popular with 90s pedophiles. JTT is compared to the protagonist from Boogie Nights. Gary tells of his childhood crush on the mom from Home Improvement, Kole compares her to Sally Field using a Mr. Pibb analogy. Gary asks Kole about his pubescent TV mom crushes, Kole deflects the question by talking about 9/11. Kole compares the youngest son from Home Improvement to Kirk Cameron.

Gary and Kole finally start talking about the game by generally talking about all of the shitty 16 bit platformers. Gary accuses Kole of being a Holocaust denier, then reveals it was a joke. They are blown away by how not terrible the game is. Gary praises the graphics, character designs, animation, and the varied moveset. Kole describes the game's manual, which is only one page that says "real men don't need instructions", which is patently false in this game. Kole describes the plot. They are confused by the plot holes in Home Improvement. Gary describes Buck, the dog from Married With Children, as being a character on Home Improvement, Kole agrees and they continue to make this mistake for the rest of the episode. They describe their discomfort with the characters of Lisa and later Heidi from Home Improvement, and Gary's attraction to the mom was in contrast to them. Gary and Kole compare the plot of the game to being a parody written by Reddit MRAs. The first level is described. Gary is preemptively angry at being recommended a hypothetical platformer based on Jim Henson's Dinosaurs. They are confused by a game using the Sonic health system. The power tool weapons are described. Gary and Kole love the jackhammer animation. Kole brings up the grappling hook, which is described as better than the grappling hook from Tomba.

Gary describes what he likes and dislikes in the game. During this he describes the music as both good and bad, which he denies when Kole calls him out. Kole uses the magic of editing to point this out to the audience. Gary gets defensive and says he said "moveset". Kole replays his edit with alterations to correct this. Gary especially hates the level design, and compares it to Time Lord. Problems with weapon power and enemy HP are brought up. Gary describes how a ROMhack could make this a great game. Gary describes a good Let's Play series of videos on this game, and how it has almost no views, while the videos of people making fun of this game have a lot of views. Gary describes the final boss to Kole. This game is compared to the Beavis & Butt-Head SNES and Genesis games, as a licensed game that is slightly more successful. Gary points out that Home Improvement more or less does the best it can given the source material.

The rarity of this game is discussed. Kole describes a hypothetical game about Tim Taylor getting a head wound and becoming a Punisher-esque figure. Gary expresses a desire to make this game, including another reference to Buck as a Home Improvement character, and Wilson being like the protagonist of the Chuck Palahniuk novel Invisible Monsters. Gary reads an ebay lot that contains a copy of Home Improvement, and they get some entertainment of the gulf in quality between games in the lot.

They cannot find an FAQ for this game, but they find a 7/10 GameFAQs review. Gary compares the review to the Youtube video of a brony loudly protesting that he is not a manbaby. The reviewer rated Home Improvement lower than Warcraft 2: The Dark Saga.

Gary and Kole express a moderate desire to see more of the game. Gary tells a story about a copy machine. Kole reads some joke posts on the Home Improvement GameFAQs board. Gary talks about GameFAQs bounties. Ultimately, Gary and Kole kind of like the game. When talking about good licensed games, Kole describes the Rocko's Modern Life game. Kole wishes he had a neighbor like Wilson. Tim Taylor's social life is described. Gary talks about Tim Allen's show Last Man Standing (Gary can't remember the name, but that is definitely excusable), and how it was bad, and only made worse by studio retooling. Gary bemoans his lack of time to watch TV.

James Robinson is told to go fuck himself. Gary and Kole are hopeful for next week's episode, Jurassic Park.


Gary: Praise the Sun
Kole: Uuuuuugh!?
Gary: Augh Augh Augh.

Other bad games referenced

Bebe's Kids
Time Lord
Paladin's Quest
Seventh Saga
Kid Kool
Jurassic Park

Inside Jokes

Home Improvement - The topic of this episode.
Tim Allen - The star of Home Improvement, the television show and video game.
Kole's Childhood - Kole tells a story about watching TV with his grandparents.
Grappling Hooks - This game contains a grappling hook.
GameFAQs - Gary reads a GameFAQs review.
Dark Souls - Gary ends the show with "Praise the Sun", from Dark Souls

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