Kid Kool

Kid Kool is here to teach you the ways of love

Abject Suffering Episode 2 is about Kid Kool for the NES, developed by Vic Tokai. It aired on January 24th, 2016.

Recommended by Eric Hyde

Randomization

Kole releases doves. Kole then shoots a dove and reads the parchment on his foot.

Gary: UUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
Kole, impersonating Homer Simpson as he appears in "Bart the General": MARGE, YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART!

Summary

After explaining Abject Suffering, Gary says he knows Eric, that's he's a recent father, and he's a piece of shit for recommending this. Kole hesitates, but then says that was thinking of joking that he hopes Eric's kid isn't cool, maybe "kind of a nerd". Eric's baby is then praised as cute and cool, unlike this game. Gary and Kole goof about the cover art. They discuss the Japanese origins of Kid Kool as a licensed game about Kenji Sagara. Gary suggests finding GameFAQs reviews that are 9s or 10s for bad games (Kid Kool tops at 6). Kole talks about the FAQ, and how even the FAQ writer is lukewarm on the game. Kid Kool's morning routine is discussed, which includes a naked Joe Perry eating an apple over Kid Kool's mouth. GameFAQs is discussed more. Kole states that there are very few good NES platformers and the rest are Kid Kool, Gary undercuts his joke. Gary likes Kid Kool more than Revolution X, but is worried about future Abject Suffering assignments. The actual gameplay is discussed. Gary compares his progress in Kid Kool to a roguelike or Dark Souls. The characters in the game's cutscenes are mocked. The day and night cycle in Kid Kool is praised. The jumping in Kid Kool is derided at length. Kole thinks the boss is cool, Gary did not use save states and did not get to the boss. Kole describes world two as "the weirdest Minecraft biome". Gary and Kole like Kid Kool's fuzzy friend, but have a lot of problems with the game. Vic Tokai is discussed more, while talking about Decap Attack, Kole mentions another game where a mummy throws his head. Gary talks about Simon's Quest, which isn't great but is at least playable compared to Kid Kool. Kid Kool's five endings are described. More annoying parts in stages of Kid Kool are brought up.

Gary accidentally starts to say "errol" instead of "error" and Kole makes a joke about Kid Kool starring Errol Flynn. Gary and Kole talk about Errol Flynn, the phrase "in like Flynn" and Gary clarifies that it means "in a vagina like Flynn's penis". Kole talks about the influence Mario has had on games, including all of the "awful shit" that came of it. Gary praises Chrontendo and its creator Dr. Sparkle.

Gary looks for a review of people who like Kid Kool on Amazon, reads a four-star review, mocking the writer especially the phrase "mostly fun". Kole mocks Amazon reviews in general, outside of a few gems.

Kole states that Kid Kool is trying to get kids to smoke, and goes on to describe a kid who wore a nylon belt and smoked Kools while hanging out behind his elementary school. They called him Kid Kool. He was held back five years and "he taught all of us about the ways of love". Gary continues the riff before apologizing. Kid Kool was 18 so whatever he wanted to do was legal.

The disconnect between the name of this game and the gameplay and character design are discussed. He is compared to Lucas from the Wizard. A poorly-worded GameFAQs review is read, Kole makes a parody of it about No Country for Old Men, Gary follows by describing There Will Be Blood in the review's style.

Kole is angry about Wikipedia's use of Japanese game titles. Kole and Gary like the game's Japanese title, "Kakefu's Jump Heaven: Speed Hell". Vic Tokai's other NES games are discussed briefly.

Signoff

Gary: We'll see you next time, for more Abject Suffering.
Kole: Bye.

Other bad games referenced

Tomba
Golgo 13

Inside Jokes

GameFAQs - Gary jokes about finding high GameFAQs reviews for bad games. A GameFAQs review is read.
Joe Perry - Gary describes Kid Kool waking up with a naked Joe Perry messily eating an apple over his mouth.
Dark Souls - Gary compares his incremental progress in Kid Kool to Dark Souls.
Tomba Width - Gary describes a distance in Kid Kool in Tomba Widths
Steven Tyler - Gary describes Kole's Kid Kool as saying "Wanna see me eat 24 tunafish sandwiches? I'm gonna get my tongue in like Flynn" recalling Steven Tyler's alleged love of tunafish sandwiches

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