Michael Jackson's Moonwalker

Created by Sega, played on Sega Genesis

Abject Suffering Episode 14 (7/4/2013)

Recommended by James Robinson


Gary shows Kole his revolver, and how much he loves sliding bullets into a chamber, paraphrasing Revolver Ocelot from Metal Gear Solid. Gary slides the bullet into the chamber, specifying that the chamber could be male or female. They play Russian roulette. It's Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. Gary hands the gun to his son Grobe.

Kole: In all seriousness, this is a grave matter.
Gary: I thought you were going to say fuck.
Kole: Fuuuuck?


Gary brings up the conversation from the Mike Tyson's Intergalactic Power Punch episode where they discussed the oddity of playing a game about a sex offender. It's pointed out that it's ironic that you spend the game rescuing children who could be Macauley Caulkin, or one of the weird lesser Caulkins. Gary tells Kole about the incrediby weird Moonwalker movie, going into detail about the various vignettes composing it. Kole posits that you can reinterpret the game as the enemies being G-men trying to rescue the children from Michael Jackson. Gary brings up the fact that even if Michael Jackson wasn't a child molester, he was so out of touch that his behavior could lead people to believe that. The gameplay is compared to Rolling Thunder. Gary and Kole attempt to describe the gameplay in this game, which involves kicking magic and crotch grabs. Kole and Gary both like Michael Jackson's music, and make jokes about the rumors that Michael Jackson made the music for Sonic 3, talking about Sonic as if he were Michael Jackson. Gary does not like the game mechanic of spending hit points to use special attacks. The game layout is compared to Mario or Dark Souls. Kole puts forth the idea that Bubbles is summoning the bosses, and is literally the monkey on Jackson's back. Out of every game for Abject Suffering, this is the most well-regarded. The worst aspect of this game are the controls for going up stairs. Gary describes the magic attack that makes all of the enemies dance, which works on the dogs in level 2; Kole compares this to the doggy dancing episode of King of the Hill. The game's music and graphics are praised, although the game is kind of simple and boring, although you can turn into a robot.

Gary calls the movie a combination of coo-coo and bonkers, accidentally calling it Conkers. They talk about how no game sounds more distasteful to them than Conker's Bad Fur Day. Gary has never moonwalked, Kole can sort of moonwalk in bowling shoes. Kole owned rollerblades in the 90s. Gary leads Kole in a series of rhyming words that ends with him describing a game called Kollerblading. Gary reads some comments on a news blog where the game is mentioned, where someone mentions owning multiple copies of games; Gary mentions owning multiple copies of Fallout and Planescape: Torment. They talk about Michael Jackson's weird fanbase, but how great some of his albums are, and how weird Michael Jackson eventually became. Gary points out that we don't know for sure that MJ molested children, but we do know that he bought the Elephant Man's bones. Kole recommends David Lynch's The Elephant Man, which he was allowed to watch at too young an age. Gary talks about the trailer for Pet Semetary 2.

Kole points out that the next game, Where's Waldo, was developed by Bethesda.

James gets a "mildly go fuck yourself" for the recommendation. They tell him to go listen to Invincible. Gary brings up the video where Michael Jackson destroys a car, also recommends Speed Demon as the weirdest part from the Moonwalker movie.


Gary: Good night and good luck.
Kole: Praise the Umbasa.

Other bad games referenced

Mike Tyson's Intergalactic Power Punch
Conker's Bad Fur Day
Where's Waldo

Inside Jokes

Skeletons - A scene from the Moonwalker movie where Bubbles the chimp turns into a skeleton is described.
Dark Souls - The structure of the levels is compared to Dark Souls. Kole references the Souls games in his signoff.
GameFAQs - GameFAQs reviews are briefly mentioned, although the reviews are generally good.
Kole's Childhood - We learn that Kole used to rollerblade as a child, and he watched movies like the Elephant Man and Pet Semetary at a young age.

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