Created by Solid Software, played on SNES
Abject Suffering Episode 19 (9/16/2013)
Recommended by Michael Henderson, as a reward for the WOFF Live Kickstarter
Gary hands Kole a box. Kole takes a CD of Toys in the Attic by Aerosmith and a sheet of photosensitive paper. He puts them in a microwave and turns it on, this sends them back in time 20 minutes. The paper reads Mohawk and Headphone Jack.
Gary: Fuck you, Michael Henderson.
Gary and Kole start harmonizing saying "fuck you", Gary somehow segues this into singing about "Fuck You Babies" and Gary talking about Muppet Babies in a Marge Simpson voice, among several other tangents. Gary and Kole talk about the classic film White Chicks; Kole apologizes to burn victims for comparing them to the titular White Chicks. Gary jokes about the title of the game while introducing the show. They explain that Michael Henderson chose this game by backing their Kickstarter. Mohawk and Headphone Jack is very bad in a unique way; attacking Gary and Kole's weak spot: their inner ear. The publisher of this game is too small to have a Wikipedia page. Gary and Kole talk about how gross pearls and oysters in general are. Gary would not eat an oyster, although he would eat a shrimp. Gary would not shake hands with Mohawk, whom Kole hypothesizes would be furry.
Kole and Gary attempt to explain the "platforming" in Mohawk and Headphone Jack. The gravity in the game is subjective, similar but done worse than M.C. Kids. The Camera is wiggly like in Bubsy, making it nauseating. Turning this effect off somehow makes the game less playable. Kole talks about a Youtube video where someone uses the shake correction on Mohawk and Headphone Jack ( [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6iogZ60l3k] ). In summation, the game is a shitty knockoff of Sonic. Vectorman and Ristar are both drastically better games. Kole says he loves Ristar in a salacious way, and Gary goes off on a tangent about a woman Kole loved named Carla Ristar. Kole talks about how this and many other shitty platformers in the 90s featured cynical music references; Gary disagrees that this game is cynical because it is shitty in a unique and artistic way. This game looks like a POG. Kole is out of touch with the 90s outside of the Simpsons and select comedy films. Gary remembers the 90s, and compares this game to an MTV commercial bumper or 90s video game ads.
Gary describes Mohawk, who is made out of clay and has a mohawk and shades. Mohawk can flip by morphing through his butthole. Headphone Jack is like Mohawk but with two mohawks. You collect CDs in the game to get new music, and the music is generally praised by Gary. Gary reads the Wikipedia article's description of Mohawk's various power-up forms: wheelie, springs, angel, and mer-hawk. They come to the horrible realization that this game has water levels. While describing how the gravity works in this game, they quote Event Horizon.
Kole talks about an imagination-based game he played as a kid where he pretended things on the ceiling were obstacles on the floor. Gary did not need an imagination because he had Mohawk, Headphone Jack, Beavis & Butt-Head, Alternative Nation, Tabitha Soren, Kurt Loder, the Prodigy, Weezer, and Dungeons & Dragons. When Kole was 10 they had Sifl & Oly and Daria, so he still came out okay. The Daria and The State DVDs don't have the licensed music, which is a shame. Mohawk and Headphone Jack has 14 levels. Gary covers the music from the game by making mouth sounds. Kole attempts to bring the discussion back to gameplay. Gary tells Kole about Starflight, a good game from the 16-bit era that did things with gravity. Kole tells Gary about Freespace. Gary and Kole try to talk about later levels in Mohawk and Headphone jack, having not played any.
Michael is told to go fuck himself, and since this is America he can do whatever he wants, including marry a dog. Michael suggested a good game first by accident, then went back to suggest this. Gary and Kole come to the consensus that this is not the worst game they played, since it's not NES X-Men, but it was so nauseating to play that it was close. Gary goes on to talk about why he hates South Park. They go on to brainstorm South Park fanfiction where Mark Ruffalo warns the kids about twerking. Finally, they talk about next week's episode, Ren and Stimpy Space Cadets. They try to come up with a signoff.
After the outro music, a brief outtake is played.
Gary: Life is short, life is shit, rate us on iTunes, then you die.
Kole: It almost rhymes.