Where's Waldo?

Created by Bethesda Softworks, played on NES

Abject Suffering Episode 15 (7/18/2013)

Recommended by Justin Nonegiven


Kole asks Gary to grab an object. Kole throws the object, which is a six-sided die. It comes up Where's Waldo? for NES.

Gary: Fuck. Man, I didn't expect that to be a dice when I held it.
Kole: They can't all be winners, Gary.


The show and game are introduced. Kole and Gary discuss Where's Waldo, the book series, and how the books are games. Waldo (Wally in other countries) the character, is described. Gary talks about the Where's Waldo cartoon and extended universe. Where's Waldo is a series of books where you look through highly cluttered pictures to find Waldo, similar to hidden object games that are popular with middle-aged housewives. They talk about how the pictures in Where's Waldo are charming because they're full of little humorous scenes, which is completely lost when it's scaled down to a tiny low-res NES picture. Kole really likes Where's Waldo, and Gary also liked them as a child, although he prefers Goofus & Gallant. This game is a complete failure, although they bring up how good this would be on a modern console or tablet. Gary compares this game to someone dumping a bucket of Hot Wheels on the ground. The gameplay in Where's Waldo? is derided at length. Gary boasts that he could make this game in a couple hours in Game Maker. Gary describes the game as ugly and hateful. Kole describes the difficulty settings and the goal of the game, which is getting Waldo to the Moon. Kole actually beat this game, Gary did not. The interstitial map screens have good graphics. The hosts describe the mini games. Kole loudly hiccups.

While talking about the subway minigame, Gary brings up the Waldo mythos. They talk about Waldo's nemesis Odlaw, Gary compares him to Negaduck from Darkwing Duck (Gary does not like saying that name). Waldo's various friends, dogs, and wizards are discussed briefly. Gary talks about Waldo flashmobs. Waldo is compared to Peanuts and the Letter People. The final minigame is a bullshit slot machine. Kole describes his note-taking process, Gary jokes about how Kole has a page in a notebook with "Where's Waldo?" written on it. Gary tells a depressing story about his childhood that lead to him playing this game. Gary played this game on a tiny black & white TV with a broken RF adapter, which made it look indistinguishable from a glitch. Gary talks about the GameFAQs message board, which is probably being used to set up drug deals. Gary talks about the FAQ and reviews on GameFAQs; the FAQ is written by a person who is convinced that all of the people who hate this game are just bad at it. Gary and Kole remember 9/11. Kole contrasts this game with other edutainment games of the era. Any kids who played this game in school are immediately at-risk youth. Kole talks about his 5th grade science class with a copy of Plaque Attack, which he accidentally calls Dental Dam. Gary and Kole discuss dental dams, and recommend "eating pussy" (after obtaining permission).

This game is Gary's least favorite Bethesda game.

Justin is told "seriously, go fuck yourself".

Kole thinks this game is inept but not lazy, Gary thinks the graphics are lazy but the gameplay is what it needs to be. Gary talks about the confusing camera angle in this game. They introduce next week's game, which Gary and Kole rented as children. Gary addresses people who listen to the episode after they die, describing Kole's memorial. Kole wants people to "eat pussy" on his grave, but use a dental dam.


Kole: Praise the Sun.

Other bad games referenced

The Uncanny X-Men
Road Runner's Death Valley Rally

Inside Jokes

Kole's Childhood - Kole talks about his history with the Where's Waldo? series of game books.
Gary's Childhood - Gary talks about his history with the Where's Waldo? books, and tells a sad anecdote about his experience with this NES game.
Dark Souls - The time limit in the subway minigame is compared to the toxic status effect in Dark Souls. Kole praises the Sun.
GameFAQs - The GameFAQs message board and FAQ for Where's Waldo? is discussed.

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